Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
