The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
