I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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