I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
