I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
