i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
