I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
