He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
