her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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