it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
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He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We have so much sex to catch up on
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I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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