Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
