after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
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She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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