she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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