remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
