He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
