My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
