Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
