Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
