How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
