I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
