Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Randomize
