the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
