I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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