The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
