His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
