I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
