Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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