you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
