She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
