After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
