I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
