I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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