I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
