So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
