Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
