can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
