I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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