That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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