just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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