I accidentally burped into my bong.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
