when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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