hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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