Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
