It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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