That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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