Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
