Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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