i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
