What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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