I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
