he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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