in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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