Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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