and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
