I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
