remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
