I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Randomize
