What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
another moral hangover. fuck.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
