I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
