Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
