When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
