I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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