The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just high enough for therapy.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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