Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
